Smash Support
by kuragari nikkou
Summary: It is both Robins' destiny to have every playable character fall in love with them. Smash Bros. will come to regret their roster decision. Look inside for other warnings. Het, slash, and femslash. Crack.
1. Invading the Mushroom Kingdom

Everything © their respective owners

-SORRYIFYOUTHOUGHTIWASGONE

Hoshi: I thought I was done with Smash Bros, honestly. I didn't really have any more ideas. Then both Robins and Lucina were confirmed. I'm happy to be wrong as usual.

Warning: Het, slash, femslash, crack. The Robins are OOC as all get out, and I might have given up on making everyone else IC. This story doesn't really have a reason until the last chapter. And a TON of Fire Emblem: Awakening spoilers! Beat that game first if you care about spoilers!

The Robins will always be referred to as "Robins," but Male Robin will be singularly referred to as "Marc" (what Morgan was called in the Japanese) while Female Robin is singularly referred to as "Robin." If I ever talk about the Morgans, Male Morgan will be singularly referred to as "Linfan" (what Morgan is called in non-English European versions of Awakening) while Female Morgan is singularly referred to as "Morgan."

-BECAUSEI'MNOT

"Ah…it's done." Marc wiped the sweat off his brow. Robin drew in a few more adjustments with her own marker.

"_Now_ it's done." She corrected. Marc looked it over thoughtfully and nodded.

"Phase One start!" The Robins declared in unison.

**Mario**

The red clad plumber was enjoying a peaceful lunch when the Robins sat down on either side of him with their food. Mario turned in Robin's direction and saw that she was wearing an unusually elegant dress. There was a tiara atop her snowy locks as well. Was this that cosplay thing he kept hearing about? He then turned in Marc's direction.

…he was wearing the exact same dress and tiara as Robin was.

Neither of the Robins seemed to think anything was out of the ordinary as they continued to eat. To say that Mario was confused was an understatement…

"Your food will get cold, Mario." Marc pointed out as sparkles seemed to surround him.

"Yes, you should eat." Robin chimed in as sparkles also surrounded her for some reason.

Mario didn't know if it was the sparkles, but the two looked prettier than normal. How odd…

.-.-.-.-.

"Why are you two wearing-a dresses?" Mario finally asked after the two had insisted on trailing after him.

"What are talking about?" Robin cocked her head to the side. "It's normal for us as princesses."

"Princesses?" the plumber echoed. "Isn't-a Marc a guy, though?"

"A man can be a princess." Marc asserted, crossing his arms.

"I thought Lucina was-a the princess." Mario said. "Of Ylisse."

Marc and Robin then exchanged looks.

"He knows." Marc said.

"How did he know?" Robin asked.

"ABORT MISSION ABORT!" Marc suddenly yelled. Robin took out smoke pellets and threw them to the ground, a cloud of dust obscuring their escape.

Well, they would've escaped if Marc hadn't tripped over his heels.

"HOW DO YOU RUN IN THESE FEET-KILLING ABOMINATIONS?!"

"I TOLD YOU TO GET THE LOW HEEL SHOES!" Robin went back to drag him away from the scene. "BUT NO, YOU JUST HAD TO SHOW OFF AND BE FABULOUS."

"I LOOK GOOD IN HIGH HEELS, THOUGH."

"These Smash Bros. newcomers get-a weirder and-a weirder…" Mario thought aloud.

.-.-.-.-.

"You wanted me to like-a you?" Mario asked. Apparently, that was the reason for the dresses?

"Well, it was more to prove that I'd look good in anything on my part." Marc confessed.

"We knew you liked princesses, so we thought about dressing like some. It was rather impertinent to try and pass off as some, though." Robin blushed.

"I know. There are no princesses that match up to my beauty anyway…" Marc pointed…out? Sparkles came back to surround him again as well. "We were easy to spot from the start."

"You didn't need to be-a princesses for me to like-a you." Mario gave them a smile. "Let's just-a be friends as fellow-a smashers."

"That sounds like a good idea!" The Robins agreed, more sparkles surrounding them in a blinding aura.

It was a weird feeling, though. To have someone go to that length for Mario… The princesses usually just sent him letters and items and food, but while that was nice they never seemed to express an interest in just talking with him. It was…nice.

WAIT, HE HAD PRINCESS PEACH, WHAT WAS HE THINKING?!

And all the while, the two Robins smiled widely.

**Luigi**

"GHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSTS!" Luigi cried as he ran. Where was his Poltergust 5000 when he needed it the most?!

"Nosferatu!" Marc commanded, dark magic dragging the spirits into the ground.

In Luigi's vision, this heroic figure was bathed in heavenly light as sparkles surrounded him. There were even angels singing in the background as clouds floated around them.

In reality, Marc's eyes glowed a demonic purple as his too wide smile grew feral, delighting in the spirits being absorbed for his own benefit. And in the background somewhere was a fellgod dragon shedding a single proud tear.

"Are you all right?" Robin asked, sparkles surrounding her as well and making her look just as heroic as Luigi vision's Marc. Nevermind that the sword she was holding was stained in blood that ghosts weren't supposed to have.

"Y-yes!" Luigi answered. Sure he had Daisy and shouldn't even entertain the thoughts, but Daisy never protected him so coolly before!

'_Checkmate.'_ The two Robins thought. _'How surprisingly easy.'_

**Bowser**

"How are we supposed to make a turtle creature fall in love with one of us?" Marc asked Robin.

"You already made two plumbers fall in love with you." She pointed out.

"But those two were easy." He protested. "You're the one with experience in seducing males."

"So what, you want me to get kidnapped by him then?" Robin took out the princess dress again. "Ugh…I don't like playing the damsel in distress."

"Fine, I'll do it then." Marc said as he put the dress on.

'_You just want an excuse to look fabulous in high heels again.'_ Robin sighed.

.-.-.-.-.

"Oh woe is me, helpless princess that I am!" Marc shouted in mock distress. "Won't somebody kidnap me?!"

"Marc, that's now how you act like a princess waiting to be kidnapped!" Robin protested. "Be girlier!"

Marc stared at the pink dress he was wearing and wondered just how much girlier he was supposed to get.

"Ugh, let me show you how it's done." Robin walked into his space, dressed in the same garment.

"But, Robin," he protested, "you're even less ladylike than Lissa sometimes."

"Am not!" She denied, performing a rather jerky curtsey. "Lissa would've torn her dress." She pointed out proudly.

Just then a big green blur swooped in and stole her away.

"…he didn't kidnap me." Marc said in disbelief. Flames gathered around him, rising to the ceiling at exponential speed. "HOW DARE HE?! AS IF I'M NOT PRETTY ENOUGH!"

.-.-.-.-.

"…you're not Peach." Bowser realized.

"No, I'm pretty sure I'm not a fruit." Robin agreed. "I'm even _better_." She winked. Bowser was half weirded out and half attracted. On the one hand, his hostage just flirted with him, but on the other, his hostage just _flirted_ _with_ _him_. Confidence was attractive.

"BOWSER." Marc destroyed the door with a thoron spell. "I hope you're ready to die."

"I'm sorry I kidnapped your sister!" Bowser quickly handed Robin to Marc.

"I don't care about that, she wanted to be kidnapped anyway." Marc waved a hand dismissively. "Why didn't you kidnap _me_? I'm a princess too." He crossed his arms and pouted.

"…what?" Bowser asked stupidly.

"If you kidnapped us both, we would've been even better than Peach by helping you with your evil plans."

"Wait, I thought you two were good guys." The Koopa King scratched the top of his shell in confusion.

"You are forgetting that we are self-insert canon sues that are vessels for a fellgod dragon." Robin said. In that moment, black flames rose behind them as an image of Grima towered up high, cackling darkly. Their eyes also glowed purple for that second as their vessel marks shined the same eerie shade.

"…that's hot." Bowser nodded.

'_Another one bites the dust.'_ The Robins thought.

**Peach**

"So…do we kidnap her or something?" Marc asked his female counterpart. She grimaced at the thought.

"I highly doubt she would fall in her love with her kidnapper!" She shook her head. "Only a depraved creep would think such a stunt would work."

"Ah, you're right." Marc nodded. "So, should I kidnap her and let you rescue her?"

"I don't think she'd fall in love with a one time savior." Robin cocked her head. "She only likes Mario because he saves her so many times, and we can't compete with that. And she rewards him of her own volition too, so the feelings are certainly reciprocated."

"…let's bake her a cake." Marc suggested.

"What if she thinks we're trying to get her chubby or something?" the palm of Robin's hand met her face. "Really, Marc, you just don't understand girls."

"I do too!" He shook his fist at her. "I've only married like…_fifty_ of them. Half the time, I just went with the flow of the conversation too. How many women have you seduced, unintentionally or otherwise?"

Robin opened her mouth to say something.

"Tharja does not count." He said, voice low and cold. Robin closed her mouth again. "Neither does Flavia, for that matter. She wanted to adopt you."

"But she said it so marriage proposal-like!" Robin protested. She then contemplated the question silently. "…I've never really seduced a woman before. They just tried to seduce me." She decided, eyes widening. "Do you know what this means?" Her eyes sparkled. "Dibs! I'm going to seduce my first girl!"

"Robin, wait!" Marc called after as she ran off. He ran after her. "You don't know the finer points of seducing women! You have to charm-!"

"Oh, Robin!" Peach cut him off, throwing her gloved arms around his female counterpart. "You're amazing! I love you!"

'…_how did she _do_ that?'_ Marc looked on in confusion.

**Rosalina and Luma**

"Another girl to seduce!" Robin cheered, throwing a fist in the air.

"Robin, please." Marc attempted to calm her down. "How can you think of seducing another girl when that tiny creature over there is so cute?!" He pointed to the luma that was floating off to its own. Quickly grabbing said creature, he started to cuddle it with a content smile on his face.

"Marc, your fascination with cute things confuses me." She rolled her eyes at the display.

"Just hug it!" Marc passed the luma to her. She sighed and gave it a hug, cuddling it half-heartedly.

"I fail to see how this is supposed to help us with winning Rosalina over." She tossed the luma back to him.

"Maybe we can start with returning her partner?" He suggested. He then let the luma go as he stared at something with sparkles in his eyes. "Or…all of her partners…"

"All…?" Robin took note of the look in his eyes and turned to see that the room they were in was suddenly occupied with a whole group of luma in various colors. "What the-?!" She was cut off by the black blur that was Marc dive tackling one of the luma.

"Ahhhh….!" He cuddled a dark blue luma. "I'm naming this one Chrom II!"

Robin shook her head at the sight, but knowing that the luma was called 'Chrom II' _did_ make it seem cuter somehow.

.-.-.-.-.

"Thank you so much for finding them." Rosalina bowed in gratitude. "I didn't know these little ones would run off and get lost so easily."

"Oh, it was no problem." Robin flashed her a confident smile. "You can call us again if you need to. In fact, it'd be good if you gave us your number."

Rosalina ignored her in favor of watching Marc play with one of the luma. They seemed to be enjoying themselves as well. It warmed her heart.

"I didn't expect you to get along with them so well." She knelt closer to him.

"Oh, I'm always like this with small, cute things." He rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment. "It's kind of an aspect of my weird protective streak, I guess. But I'm always happy when they seem to like me back."

"I don't think it's weird at all." Rosalina chuckled. "In fact…it's rather attractive…" The lumas then formed a heart shape over her head without her noticing. In fact, whole groups of lumas started forming heart shapes around the two. "You're welcome to come see me and the lumas again any time, if you'd like." She blushed.

'_What…the heck?'_ Robin stared on in confusion. _'He likes the luma more than you too…'_

-THAT'SNOTHOWLOVEWORKS

Hoshi: Ahhh…fic nonsense… I missed this. Haven't read much fanfiction in a while, so if someone's already done an idea like this, well, you have like a 99.9999...9% chance of being waaaaay better than this story, so I don't think you should be that angry.


	2. Conquering Hyrule

Everything © their respective owners

-WHATISLOVE?!

Hoshi: Onto the conquest of the triforce!

**Warning:** Het, slash, femslash, crack. The Robins are OOC as all get out, and I might have given up on making everyone else IC. This story doesn't really have a reason until the last chapter. And a TON of Fire Emblem: Awakening spoilers! Beat that game first if you care about spoilers! Sheik is female. This got a LOT more suggestive than I thought it would be.

Hoshi: Thanks for the reviews! You guys rock my concert!

-BABYDON'THURTME

**Link**

"I look forward to meeting blades with you again, sir." Lucina offered the Hylian a smile as she re-sheathed her Parallel Falchion.

"Me too." Link gave her a nod as she walked away. He was then kicked in the back with both legs by an angry Marc.

"HIT ON MY POSSIBLE WIFE/DAUGHTER-IN-LAW, WILL YOU?!" The tactician then picked up the Hylian and proceeded to judo-flip him, so that Link was on his back this time. He then twisted the hero's arm in a figure four leg lock.

"Ack!" Link struggled in his grip. "But I wasn't…!" How did the tactician know martial arts as well as professional wrestling moves, anyway?

"Marc, stop!" Robin pulled her male counterpart away. She bowed politely to Link and…did she wink at him, or was that just Link? "My apologies, Hero of Time. Let me just talk with my counterpart." She dragged Marc away.

Link massaged his sore arm as he watched them leave.

"And I thought Marth was hostile…"

.-.-.-.-.

"What were you thinking?" Robin scolded her fellow tactician. "How are we going to make him fall in love with us if you scare him like that?"

"Robin, please." Marc crossed his arms like she was the one being illogical here. "I've seen all that fanart in the Legend of Zelda fandom. Link goes out with nearly all the girls in every game. Even some guys! I will not have that hussy breaking the heart of Chrom's daughter. He will _die_ before that happens."

"But Marc, aren't we worse for actually _having_ the capability to pair up with every playable character barring gender?" Robin looked down at the floor in horror. Her fellow tactician shared her sentiment as he too stared at the floor in horror.

"I'm worse than Link…?" Marc sat down and cradled his head in his hands at the revelation. Robin took one of his hands in hers and offered him a smile.

"We are ship scum." She assured him. "But that's okay. We can relate to Link better since we're all five-timers together."

"You're right." He wiped away a tear. "Back to Phase One!"

.-.-.-.-.

"I apologize for my behavior." Marc bowed politely to Link. "It was uncalled for. After all, we're both disgusting ship fodder, so we should stick together."

"…what did you call me?" Link asked.

"Oh, you're such a kidder!" Marc patted him on the shoulder, sparkles coming off of him in spades.

"A gift!" Robin also had sparkles around her for some reason. "To celebrate our new relationship as horrible five-timers!" She raised the heart piece she was holding in the air.

"I…what?" Link stared at them. They just glanced back at him and smiled. Robin presented the heart piece to him cheerily.

Weird, that would be grounds for a proposal in some areas… Not that Link would've minded since the two tacticians were rather attractive when they weren't being stran-!

NO WAIT, HE LIKED ZELDA. Or Saria. Or Malon maybe. He couldn't remember who anymore, honestly; he'd been paired up with so many girls. …and some dudes.

**Zelda**

"I would love to visit your country some time, Lucina." Zelda said over tea.

"As would I, Zelda." Lucina got up from the table. "Thank you again for the tea." She waved her good-bye and walked off to her room.

"What an impressive princess…" Zelda said, voice in awe.

"HIT ON MY POSSIBLE DAUGHTER/DAUGHTER-IN-LAW, WILL YOU?!" Robin charged the Hylian princess with her Levin sword.

"Robin, no!" Marc grabbed her by her tactician cloak's hood. "We've been over this!"

"But…but she…" Robin gestured to Zelda with her sword. Her male counterpart gave her a stern expression, as if telling her 'you're better than this' with his eyes. Robin lowered her sword. "Okay…" Marc cleared his throat and gave Zelda his most winning smile.

"My apologies for such an action, milady." Marc bowed politely to her. "We were wondering if you'd be interested in learning the way of the sword."

"Sword…?" Zelda echoed. Her brows knit together in thought. "I tried fighting with a sword once in Twilight Princess. My kingdom got taken over so fast, it wasn't funny."

"Ah, but you see…" Marc showed her the Levin sword. "This blade uses a wielder's magical energy rather than physical energy. So does this one." He brought out a long, thin, green blade. "The Sonic sword's shape also seems to fit your fighting style better as well."

"Fascinating…" Zelda took the Sonic sword and tested its weight in her grip. "Very well. I accept your proposal."

.-.-.-.-.

Robin had decided to train with her tactician cloak off, and changed into some more casual workout clothes. Now she was just wearing a sports bra and some jean cut-offs that revealed the glorious tapestry of muscles that was her totally ripped body.

"W-wow…" Zelda looked on, blushing hotly. She had even started to fan herself as steam rose from her head. Little red hearts even seemed to sprout from her person and collected in a little pool around her heels.

'_I didn't think Zelda was a muscle fan…'_ Marc stared at the heart collection. He was pretty sure he could dive in it and come out at a negative damage percentage even if he was at 999 damage. _'Maybe that's why she rarely shows interest in Link?'_

"All right." Robin swung her Levin sword one last time. She turned to Zelda and smiled. "If you're ready, milady? Be warned, though," She lowered her head and whispered in the other girl's ear, "I tend to get rough."

"Y-yes…" Zelda looked like she was swooning. She cleared her throat, though her blush was still luminescent. "I don't mind it rough. Not at all." She added, gaze traveling south as she admired Robin's abs.

Marc gave his female counterpart a thumbs-up while she gave him a smug smirk.

"No, Robin…" Peach's eyes brimmed with tears. "I thought I was the only princess you'd love…" Marc stared at her and wondered how long she might have been following them while Robin trained with Zelda.

'_That's weird… Phase two isn't until _after_ we get everyone to fall in love with us.'_ He thought. The tactician casually brushed a bang away. _'Man, we really should turn off our charm.'_

**Toon Link**

"…"

"Well, it's not like you've never seduced a younger guy befo-!"

"Marc, no." Robin tossed him a nasty look. "Ricken is different. It's at least implied that he grew up hot before we made my son, Linfan! Toon Link is…a _kid_." She blushed at the thought.

"Look, we're only trying to make all of them fall in love with us." Marc said matter-of-factly. "It's not like we're going to do any of that 18 and older stuff in this family friendly game." He shook his head at such a notion. "And we didn't have any problems with Bowser, so I don't know why you're being squeamish now."

"You wouldn't be saying this if Toon Link was a little girl instead of a little boy!" Robin flailed. She turned away from him, arms crossed, and a little frown on her face. "Or maybe you'd like that better since you seduced _Nowi_ once."

"That does not count!" Marc blushed hotly. "She's like a billion years old, so if anything, I was the one being taken advantage of!"

"Even if she is old enough to practically be an ancestor of ours, it doesn't change the fact that she _looks_ and _acts_ like a little girl." Robin argued. "It's still gross."

"Blame Intelligent Systems!" Marc threw his hands in the air. "And you know what, you're still worse because Ricken actually _was_ a little kid when you agreed to his proposal!" He shook his head. "There's no excuse for that."

"Yeah well…." Robin fiddled with her fingers. She then pointed one at Marc. "What about _Nah_, huh? Technically, you're old enough to be her potential father."

"…" Marc stared at her in horror. How could she bring that up? It wasn't his fault Intelligent Systems had to turn him into a creep with their S-support-everyone-of-the-opposite-gender mechanic! He collapsed to the ground in defeat.

"Hey!" Toon Link walked up to them with his hands on his hips. "Fight on the stages with your weapons. Don't fight here with your words." He advised sternly.

'_Oh no…'_ Robin thought to herself. She looked at his big cat-like eyes and the precocious way he tried to act like a reasonable adult and came to her dreaded conclusion. _'He's adorable.'_

.-.-.-.-.

"Let's sail there next!" Toon Link pointed to a rather large island on his map.

"Aye aye, Cap'n!" Marc saluted from his lookout position. Robin was the first mate and hung out on the ship deck. She still couldn't believe that Marc had hijacked an actual pirate ship for Toon Link. The ship was an absolute monster too! Bigger than that one spaceship in the Subspace Emissary movie… She sighed.

"I will never understand your affinity for cute things, Marc." She shook her head at him. Marc swung down from his post on the ropes that kept the sails to the mast.

"It is not a mere affinity." He explained to her matter-of-factly. "It is a way of life."

Toon Link made his way over to the two tacticians with a couple of joy pendants in his hands.

"These are for you two!" He handed the necklaces to them cheerily. "You guys are the best crew I've ever been a captain of!" He gave them both a hug. "I love you guys!"

Marc gave Robin a smug smile while the latter just rolled her eyes.

'_At least it's over now.'_

And in some part of the Smash manor somewhere, Link was in a corner of woe as he questioned why his newfound crushes had seemingly left him for his alternate self. He was cute too! …wasn't he?

**Sheik**

"I know Smash Bros accepted a goddess on their roster…" Robin remembered out loud as her eyes followed the single most beautiful form she'd ever seen. "…I just can't believe that's not her." She sighed dreamily.

"Robin, get a hold of yourself!" Marc put both of his hands on his female counterpart's shoulders. "We're supposed to make _her_ fall for _us_, not the other way around!" He pulled out a piece of paper with lots of marker lines on it. "Stick to the plan, remember?!"

"Didn't you fall for Toon Link and some lumas earlier, though?" Robin protested, though she managed to somewhat come to her senses.

"Don't confuse my affinity for cute things with your perverse sexual lust." He chided. "They're completely different." He then turned to look at their next target and…

Oh.

"_Oh_…" He also sighed dreamily. "No, wait!" He slapped himself. "The plan! Gotta remember!"

"What plan?" Robin asked, apparently still out of it.

"This isn't conducive to concocting our strategy!" Marc dragged Robin away from the area.

Sheik looked on, unimpressed. Her lips curved into a small frown under her mask.

"Plan…huh?"

.-.-.-.-.

"I…I feel so ashamed." Robin buried her face in her hands. "Why does she have this effect on us?"

"It's true…" Marc stared at the now impressive wall scroll of Sheik that they had on their bedroom wall. The edges were gilded with gold trim too. "Why is she so attractive? This is going to be a big problem."

"Well, it's not like we've never fallen for someone before." Robin looked at the picture of Chrom that they had on the nightstand. "It's just weird for us to fall this _hard_. Usually the other person is the one doing that."

"But Chrom was a special case…" Marc looked at the mark of Grima on his hand in a mixture of fondness and regret. He held out the hand with the mark on it to Robin, and she grabbed that hand with the hand that held her mark. The vessel marks resonated with a soft purple glow.

"Yeah." She nodded. "He was the only one we ever defied an all-powerful fellgod dragon and destroyed boundaries between alternate timelines for." She thought back to the memory with that same mixture of fondness and regret. "No other person held that power over us."

"So, back to the plan again?" Marc asked her.

"Yes." Robin assured him. "This is the last time we stray."

.-.-.-.-.

The Robins certainly didn't hide their plans very well. When Marc had dragged away Robin, he dropped the copy of their scheme on the ground for Sheik to pick up. Needless to say, what was written on that paper was a little disturbing… The Sheikah would have to keep an eye on them.

"So why are we dressed like this again?" Robin asked her male counterpart, donned in Link's garb.

"Well, I figured we should dress similarly to the people Sheik would find most attractive." Marc told her, donned in…Zelda's attire. With a wig of her hairstyle too.

"Shouldn't one of us be dressed as Marth or Lucina, then?" Robin cocked her head. "You don't get much more attractive than Marth and Lucina."

"Dressing as Marth's been done already, Robin. Lucina would think we were copying her. And besides, I can't dress as Chrom's daughter." Marc shook his head at the thought. "It'd be weird."

"I think you just want to look good in high heels aga-!"

"You two." Sheik's voice stopped Robin cold. The woman looked at them with such an intense glare, their limbs were rendered immobile. She stalked over to Marc and placed a hand under his chin, tilting his face up to look at her, so she could study him better.

'_He has a delicate face…kind of a girlish figure too. His eyes aren't the same color as hers, though. The Adam's apple and other parts of the anatomy would ruin the effect too, but…'_ She closed her eyes and thought it over. She then nodded and opened her eyes again.

"You're not Princess Zelda, but you'll do." Sheik concluded.

"I…wha…?" Marc asked, stunned. The Sheikah shushed him and put a finger to his lips.

"No, don't speak." She commanded in a low, rough voice. "You'll ruin the wonderful night I'm planning, your highness." She then dragged him away, possibly to her bedroom while Robin stared on in awed silence.

'_Do any of those girls actually legit like Link?'_ Robin wondered. _'I didn't even know Zelda's alter-ego _had_ that kind of attraction to the princess, though. Well, it's convenient, at least.'_

She beamed at Marc and gave him a thumbs-up. He just stared back at her as if he was still confused before he disappeared into the hallway with Sheik.

"Ah, my poor, misguided alter ego…" Zelda showed up near Robin. "She just doesn't understand the appeal of a toned, muscular body like I do." The princess shook her head.

"Well, I think Sheik still has pretty good taste." The female tactician gave the princess a wink. "If you're free tonight, milady?"

"I would very much enjoy watching you train." Zelda had to fan herself at the idea.

"Me too!" Peach marched in and…was that a glare she directed at Zelda?

'_Weird… The phase where people fight over us in jealousy for our amusement isn't supposed to be till _after_ we make everyone fall for us.'_ Robin flipped her hair to the side while the two princesses watched, captivated by the sparkles that surrounded her. _'Dang, my guns bring all the girls to the yard. Just can't turn this charm down!'_

-DON'THURTME…ACTUALLYDO

Hoshi: Huh, I actually snuck some plot in here. Zelda's was the most fun to write, though. Buff female Robin is best female Robin. No one gets to complain. I'm not sorry.

Hoshi: To address some questions, though, the Robins are totes single in this story. At least until they get their harem. They reference people they've married because of player choices. Each different person they married results in a different timeline, and since Smash Bros brings different universes together, they have memories of all their different spouses as well as different appearances. It may or may not have rendered them mentally and emotionally unstable. I don't much like involving my pairing choices here, so if the Morgans ever make their way into the story, they'll have black hair as per their official artwork and no mention will be made of their parent.

Hoshi: I also forgot that Validar took the throne to Plegia, but I think that's forgivable, since the Robins here never tried to claim inheritance as far as their ambiguous endings go.


	3. Catch 'Em All (Pokemon)

Everything © their respective owners

-IDON'TWANNABEFRIENDS

Hoshi: The Robins try to catch 'em all.

**Warning:** Het, slash, femslash, crack. The Robins are OOC as all get out, and I might have given up on making everyone else IC. This story doesn't really have a reason until the last chapter. And a TON of Fire Emblem: Awakening spoilers! Beat that game first if you care about spoilers! I didn't plan for plot in Lucario's part, but plot happened. Fic is still mostly nonsense, though. Pikachu and Lucario are dudes.

Hoshi: No, but really, you guys. Thanks for the reviews! They really do motivate writers to keep going, yanno.

-WANTYOURBADROMANCE

**Pikachu**

"Marc, no!" Robin failed in her attempt to stop him from cuddling the cute pokémon. Unfortunately for both her and her male counterpart, they ended up getting electrocuted by the iconic mascot.

"Pika!" Pikachu huffed and turned its head diagonally upwards. He then scampered off and left the charred bodies of the tacticians.

"Worth…it…!" Marc coughed in between his twitching. He was still the first to recover, so he dusted off his cloak and got up. "Robin, are you all right?"

"You know I have less resistance than you…" She glared at him before she shook her head. "Honestly, have you no self-restraint? Control yourself, man!"

"If controlling myself helps our plan, then I'll do it, but if you can't give me any reason on how to go about it, then I won't." Marc answered as he cuddled Chrom II the luma. His female counterpart rolled her eyes at the gesture.

"Let's just figure out a way to conquer that Pikachu and move on." Robin looked through her notes on pokémon and scanned the pages for anything that could help.

"We could throw a pokéball at it?" Marc suggested, a red and white sphere in his hand. Robin's eyes strayed to the ball.

"Where did you even get that?" She pointed to the aforementioned object.

"Chrom II gave it to me when I signed up to be a pokémon trainer." Marc showed her his empty badge case and trainer ID. "Unfortunately, it means I have to challenge anyone I make eye contact with to a pokémon battle."

"Nobody has the time for that!" Robin dragged him away. "But if you've got a pokéball, then that should point us in the right direction."

"But Robin, it's also our job to master all the classes!" Marc protested. "I can't be a pokémon master if I don't challenge you to a battle, and then mug you for your money if I win!"

.-.-.-.-.

"Pika…?" The pokémon tilted its head in confusion. It was unusual for the female one to approach him. Especially with a pokéball in hand.

"Get ready!" was the only warning Robin gave him before lobbing a flood of pokéballs at the mouse. Pikachu jumped out of the way, racing up the wave and avoiding the buttons that would lead to his capture.

'_Doesn't she know this is dangerous?'_ He thought, climbing up the ever higher surging tower she was making.

"Is that all you've got?" Robin asked. Where did she get the arm-mounted launcher loaded with pokéballs? Not that Pikachu had the time to question that since she was firing it at him. Again, he ducked out of the way and narrowed his eyes.

'_Getting tired of this…'_ Sparks danced around the red spots on his cheeks, and he sent a thunderbolt her way.

She didn't seem weighed down by the launcher at all as she leapt out of range, aimed the cannon, and fired again. Pikachu did a somersault and knocked the pokéball away with his tail. When he landed on the ground again, she was reloading ammo. Not one to waste the chance, he rocketed forward in a skull bash. Unfortunately, Robin saw that coming and swung the launcher at him the way one would use a baseball bat. Pikachu ended up crashing into a pile of pokéballs on the opposite side of the room.

What was that cannon made of, and how does she carry it over her shoulder like that? Pikachu shook off the shock, but when he came to his senses, the tactician was looming over him.

"Checkmate." She held the pokéball in front of him. "Any last words?"

"Pikachu!" And that's when Pikachu electrocuted her.

"Hwaaaah!" The tactician fell to the floor, body smoking. "That…wasn't very good…battle etiquette…" She coughed in between twitches.

"Robin!" a voice called. Marc rushed to her side with a maximum tomato.

"Avenge me." Robin said, though her injuries had healed the moment she took the tomato.

"You could've waited for me." Marc shook his head. "But, I've got the solution!" He pulled out a case, holding the bottom of it with one hand while he opened it up with the other showing off an array of Poképuffs. He knelt down and let Pikachu wander over cautiously. The mouse took one of the cupcakes between its paws tentatively and sniffed it before taking a small bite.

"Pika!" The iconic mascot nibbled the treat enthusiastically while Marc pet him behind the ears. "Chaaa…" It was odd that the pokémon was not only allowing the action, but enjoying it as well.

'_Mission accomplished!'_ Marc gave his female counterpart a thumbs up. Robin answered the gesture with a disapproving glare.

'_I hate you so much, Marc.'_ She thought while a princess walked into the area.

"He truly does have a way with cute creatures…" Rosalina marveled at the sight. "I think I'm falling in love all over again." Chrom II floated near her contentedly.

"Chrom II!" Marc waved to them. "And Rosalina." He seemed to say as an afterthought. "I have some non-poké cupcakes, if you'd like!"

'_Note to self,'_ Robin thought, _'do not allow Marc to see the clip where Kirby and Luma meet. He might die of kawaiigasm or something.'_

**Lucario**

"Stop!" Lucario barked at the two tacticians, one paw extended in front of him in a defensive gesture.

"What seems to be the problem, Lucari-?" Marc had barely taken a step when Lucario warned them again.

"Not one step closer!" The fighter backed away from them. "Both of you...I sense a sinister aura from you two…. If you get any nearer to me, I'm afraid I might have to attack out of self-defense."

"Sinister…?" Marc started, turning to look at his female counterpart.

"…aura?" Robin finished, returning the look to her male counterpart.

"If you understand, then don't follow me." Lucario backed away more. "I won't be held accountable for what happens to you two if my words go unheeded." He turned and dashed off in the opposite direction.

"Nobody threatens my Robin!" Peach and Zelda declared, though they seemed to exchange harsh looks as they followed the pokémon with Link and Mario trailing behind them. The tacticians watched the colorful group go and scanned the area for any other witnesses.

"…do you think he knows?" Marc asked, eyes darkening while the vessel mark glowed.

"If he does, he might stop us." Robin replied, her eyes also darkened while her vessel mark glowed. "Abandon the plan and bury him six feet under instead?"

"That's Grima talking, Robin." Marc warned. "And it's best to avoid murder if we can help it."

"Then how shall we proceed?" Robin asked.

"Considering the contract we made, it shouldn't be too hard to sway Lucario." Marc's lips curled into a dark smile. "It gets awfully boring when you're a goody-goody guardian all the time. I'm sure he'll find the allure of the villainous side soon enough."

"Villains after my own heart." Bowser watched them gleefully. "Turning good guys to the dark side." He nodded in approval. "…that's hot."

'_He knows.'_ Marc gave her a look before he swiftly pulled out his Nosferatu tome. _'We have to kill him.'_ Robin tugged on his sleeve and stopped him.

'_It's okay.'_ She shook her head._ 'He can't do anything significant with the information anyway.'_ Her smile was all the assurance he needed.

.-.-.-.-.

Lucario had seen some dark auras before, ones filled with rot and so sunken with depravity that he didn't think it was possible something alive could house such a grotesque form. The Robins were like that except amplified a hundredfold. Maybe a hundred was too small a number to describe the ruin he saw… It made him want to run, but he also felt like a fly in a spider's web. When was the last time he had known such terror? The aura-seer shuddered at what the two had done in order to emanate such an ominous energy.

"Lucario." A voice called sweetly, but tinged with an enticing kind of venom. He turned and glared at the two tacticians, extending a paw towards them, preparing an aura pulse.

"Why did you follow?" He growled. "If it's a fight you want, then you've got it!"

"Easy there." Robin spoke calmly, gently holding his paw in her hand. How did she even get in front of him so quickly? "We're not here for silly fights. If you've noticed, we're not hiding anything from you now."

Lucario's eyes flitted from the female tactician to the male tactician who had his other paw in his hand somehow. Robin hadn't been lying; their auras had changed from the usual shower of sparkles that emanated from them. Now there was nothing but dark embers that circled their form.

"Relax." Marc spoke up. "Don't you find justice blinding sometimes? Take a walk in our lane for a little bit, I can promise you'll enjoy yourself."

"I…" Lucario faltered. "I had heard that you two were heroes, so why…?"

"The brightest light casts the darkest shadow." Robin stated solemnly, eyes softening. "You can't understand what you've never been through."

"This is the _nice_ way of introducing you to evil too." Marc smiled. "The only way it could get nicer is if we baked you cookies, but ain't nobody got time for that." He waved off the suggestion. "And we're not completely malicious. You don't have to stay if you don't want to, but…" His eyes glowed purple for a second. "Once you've been in, you might not want to leave…"

"How about it?" Robin asked, her eyes glowed the same shade briefly.

Lucario should've said no. He should've run away. Unfortunately, he found the proposal more tempting than he thought he would.

.-.-.-.-.

"…"

"We should go again!" Robin pumped a fist in the air, the rush from the roller coaster still hadn't worn off for her.

"If only they could build it higher…" Marc daydreamed about his impossible monster coaster fondly.

"…isn't this just a date?" Lucario finally asked. The Robins had taken him to an amusement park and were currently in the process of riding all the possibly unsafe contraptions with him. As they climbed aboard the Merry-Go-Round, the Robins turned to him with innocent expressions, though he certainly knew better.

"Well, I guess you could call it that, but we are using stolen money." Marc explained.

"Yeah, from that one corrupt noble." Robin recalled the event with him, nodding. "Shook that sucker down good!"

"I told you that it would be worthwhile to be a pokémon master." Marc gave her a smug smile.

"And who was the one who got the amulet coin?" Robin pointed out, knocking him off his high horse.

"Hwah!" Marc fell off the carousel stallion. "You stole that amulet coin off some punk!"

"Yeah, but when I tried to return it to the original owner, he let me keep it." Robin reminded him. Well, if only because the guy thought she was hot, but it still counted. And Lucario didn't need to know that part.

"But then," Lucario cocked his head, "aren't you two actually good guys?"

"Stealing is stealing regardless of whether you're doing it for a good purpose or not." Robin said matter-of-factly. "All sins are equal under an objective light."

"I see…" Lucario nodded. He could understand the Robins better now. It just seemed like they had no problems at all with committing crimes, and that was troubling. Though, they turned out to be rather harmless in the grand scheme of things compared to most villains. Maybe their auras reflected a lot of tiny crimes rather than big ones? They probably killed a lot of enemy soldiers, and with their sense of what bad is, they probably still hold that weight in their aura.

"Do you regret taking a walk down our lane?" Marc asked, handing him a chocolate crepe.

"Strangely, no." Lucario took the treat and nibbled it. "I…I suppose I was wrong about you two."

The Robins laughed good-naturedly enough for Lucario not to be suspicious of anything.

'_This fool…'_

'…_has no idea.'_

"Why does _he_ get to go on a date with them?" Zelda didn't even have time to question why her noble etiquette was slipping. It just wasn't fair. Were the Robins just into non-human beings or…?

"I wouldn't mind dressing up like a non-human if they were into that." Link murmured absentmindedly. He thought about what he said for a second and pulled out a Zora mask. "I knew I put up with the Happy Mask Salesman and his creepiness for good reason!"

"Give me that!" Zelda tackled him to the ground.

Sheik watched the scene with conflicting feelings. She wouldn't have minded being Link in that situation, but Marc…had proven difficult to get out of her mind. She shook her head at that, trying to remind herself of the Robins' evil plans. Zelda's dress got torn, though, so she promptly forgot about it. Princess Zelda's lovely skin!

**Charizard**

Charizard was probably their easiest conquest yet. The fire-breathing pokémon had curled a wing around each of them and nuzzled her head on top of Robin with an endearing purr.

"Wonder why she's taking to us so well…" Marc pet the top of the reptile's head and smiled as Charizard cuddled into his touch.

"Do you think it's because she senses Grima in us?" Robin idly wondered. "An all-powerful fellgod dragon with the ability to bring an entire timeline to its knees…must sound so attractive to another dragon."

"Last time I checked, Charizard wasn't a dragon." Marc denied the idea.

"Charrrr…" the pokémon seemed to take offense to the suggestion.

"Well, it's not like other reptiles can't find dragons attractive." Robin rubbed her head against Charizard's neck and earned an appreciative purr. "Though, I do wonder why Bowser didn't fall for us just as quickly."

"Bowser's probably more human-steered, I suppose." Marc suggested.

"Well, Princess Peach IS lovely enough to attract all kinds." Robin nodded thoughtfully. Marc chuckled at that, since Robin would _know_.

"I guess that means Charizard thinks us less human and more dragon-like." Marc scratched Charizard under her chin.

"Not like we haven't been called worse." Robin smiled as she rubbed the pokémon's belly.

"When we complete our plan, I wouldn't mind keeping Charizard." Marc also rubbed the pokémon's belly. "She's just like a puppy. Aww, so cute!"

"Marc, please." The palm of Robin's hand met her face. "You're going to set the place on fire." She gestured to Charizard's tail wagging as a result of him rubbing the pokémon's belly.

"The whole manor could burn down, and it'd still be worth it." Marc ignored her. Robin opened her mouth to tell him that was Grima talking when their surroundings immediately caught fire.

"Ah!" Robin threw up her hands in the air before she dashed away from the area. As soon as she was far enough, she pulled out a wind tome. "Blizzard!" She called out, sending blocks of ice to put out the flames while Marc continued to pet Charizard blissfully.

"They never pet _me_ like that…" Bowser watched the scene resentfully. Wasn't he the first non-human they interacted with here? What did that other fire-breathing reptile have over him, anyway?! Charizard wasn't even evil!

**Greninja**

They had only been around Greninja for maybe all of five minutes when the ninja frog had presented them with a room full of treasure and a white gem ring for Robin. Greninja even got down on one knee. The only proposal Robin found more romantic was Flavia's. And Marc continually reminded her that Flavia's wasn't even a real proposal.

"I like this pokémon already." Robin said, admiring the gesture.

"I don't know…" Marc eyed Greninja warily. "Who proposes to someone they just met?"

"Chrom to Olivia." Robin answered immediately.

"Hey, they do NOT count!" Marc protested. "They had at most a year and maybe a couple of months when they could've made Lucina! Plenty of time they could've used to get to know each other."

"Wouldn't change the fact that it's still a pretty whirlwind romance." Robin was tempted to sing 'Call me, maybe,' but no one needed that song stuck in their heads right now.

"I suppose so." Marc grudgingly agreed.

"Greninja?" The pokémon cocked her head. She then dashed out of an open window and came back with a ridiculously large battle axe, presenting it to Robin with both of her webbed hands. There was a little bit of blood on the blade, though the tactician didn't seem to care (or maybe it was _because_ of the blood that) Robin _sparkled_.

"Let's get married!" The tactician declared as she threw her arms around the pokémon.

"But Robin, the plan!" Marc reminded her. Greninja would've raised a brow - if she had any - at the sheet of paper the male tactician produced.

"Ah, you're right!" Robin buried her face in her hands. "I told myself I wouldn't stray anymore!" She balled her fists. She then dashed out of an open window.

"Greninja!" The pokémon shouted displeasure at one of her prospective brides leaving her. Robin then came back, crashing through the wall with an expensive ribbon in her hand. She got down on one knee and presented the new gift to the pokémon.

"Marry us." Robin ordered more than asked. Greninja looked at her in confusion, wondering why the human had to be the one proposing and what difference it made. She shrugged and nodded to the proposal.

"Excellent." Marc then leapt out of an open window.

Greninja was starting to wonder about the sanity of these two newcomers, but she ignored it. They were steeped in an enticing kind of shadowy energy, and she would be a fool to not put a ring on them. There were no two beings more attractive to the dark type she was.

"If my two ladies are ready?" Marc came back through the hole Robin made in the wall with two suits and a wedding dress in hand. "I've never worn a bride dress and stilettos before. This will be an interesting experience."

As they all wed, Robin and Marc wondered if they might have gotten off track on the plan somehow.

The Robins' previous conquests admired the sight of Marc in the wedding dress and Robin in a tuxedo, but had to admit that it kind of hurt to see them wed to…a frog…of all smashers. Zora Link found this to be the most unfair, but played his fishbone guitar at the ceremony anyway.

Zelda arranged the flowers, Peach baked the wedding cake, Rosalina decorated the place with her lumas, Mario and Luigi were security guards, Bowser did the fireworks, Sheik played the harp, Toon Link was the conductor for the music players, Pikachu powered all the lights, Lucario was just kind of confused about the whole thing, and Charizard was setting things on fire.

Much tears were shed, but the way the Robins looked at them, with that kind of smile, it seemed like marriage didn't mean they were completely off the market somehow.

'_As if marriage meant it's game over…'_ The Robins laughed mentally at the thought. _'They have _no_ idea.'_

Intelligent Systems may have denied them a harem, but they certainly wouldn't let Smash Bros. do the same.

-WECOULDWRITEABADROMANCE

Hoshi: I think 'Bad Romance,' even if only in title, sums up this story very well.

Hoshi: To address some questions, well, I didn't know female Sheik was that rare, honestly. My creator leans towards female Sheik, but we're all fine with any gender Sheik. Also, since Sheik is her own character in the newest Smash Bros. roster, it only makes sense to have her be her own character. Even if she wasn't a separate character in the roster, I still would've made her a separate character anyway.

Hoshi: The Robins married ALL the shepherds in different timelines, yes. They also married all the Spotpass characters and Anna and the second gen, yes. Pretty much everybody. How else were they supposed to have completed that support log? And I'm pretty sure that since they married everyone, all of those units had to have fallen in love with them.

Hoshi: Also, was Ganondorf officially confirmed for Smash Bros. Wii U or 3DS? This story only covers playable characters for those games. If Ganondorf and any other character get confirmed, I'll do a 'loose ends' kind of chapter for them. I may do a story for the other playable characters from past games if I feel I can pull it off and if people want to read that (Tell me in the reviews if you do). I already have an idea for Roy, but the story will have to come after this one is complete.


	4. Nightmare in Smashville

Everything © their respective owners

-HEYIJUSTMETYOU

Hoshi: Nightmare in Smashville.

**Warning:** Het, slash, femslash, crack. The Robins are OOC as all get out, and I might have given up on making everyone else IC. This story doesn't really have a reason until the last chapter. And a TON of Fire Emblem: Awakening spoilers! Beat that game first if you care about spoilers! Mild swearing. Ganondorf and King K. Rool make an appearance. Descriptive interior castle design. Villagers do not talk. Animal Crossing feels. Angry screaming Robins.

Hoshi: I'm going to include the first four alt color schemes for the Villagers, and no one can stop me. Just "Villager" is the default villager. "Villager B" is the first girl villager with the sparkly eyes and pink hair. "Villager X" is the second girl villager with the green eyes and green dress. "Villager Y" is the second boy villager with the blue eyes and yellow shirt. All together they're referred to as "Villagers."

Hoshi: Why B/X/Y? Because I can, and now they can be a cool BXY rock band. Just kidding. They don't get to be a band in this chapter. Maybe in a future one.

-ANDTHISISCRAZY

**Kirby**

"I cannot even…" Robin buried her face in her hands and shook her head. "Curse Nintendo and their ridiculous abundance of cute creatures."

"Look, Robin, I think he likes bear meat too!" Marc's eyes sparkled as he chattered on excitedly. "Kirby is adorable AND a top class connoisseur!"

"No, I'm pretty sure that means he'll eat anything." Robin answered as she watched the pink marshmallow-like creature put whole cakes into its mouth. "Where did you even get the time to make all this food?" She glanced around the large room practically filled with all sorts of cuisine. Thank the gods, ants and cockroaches hadn't invaded yet.

"A tactician has to master all classes." Marc told her matter-of-factly. "I didn't let myself get yelled at constantly by an angry blond man and cry myself to sleep at night just to _fail_ at being the next Master Chef."

"Poyo!" Kirby put on a chef's hat and took out a frying pan.

"Kirby, are you a Master Chef too?" Marc asked, eyes sparkling with admiration.

"Mm-hm!" Kirby nodded. He put the hat away and then donned a small tactician cloak that looked like it was tailored to fit him. "Arcfiyahhh!" He cast the spell and set a nearby pillar aflame.

"Not this shit again…" Robin ran a far distance and cast Blizzard to put out the flames.

"Robin, Kirby is the best smasher!" Marc called after her. "He can master all the classes too!"

"Who cares about mastering all the classes?!" She called back to him. "Just get the skills you need and stop!"

"Where's your integrity as a tactician?!" Marc yelled back at her, shaking his fist. "Have you no shame?! You'll never be a Class Master with that line of thinking!"

"P-pai…" Grima's mark glowed on Kirby's stubby hand and made his eyes darken briefly. He shook the feeling away and took off the cloak. "Scary…" He shuddered. Then he continued eating his cakes and promptly forgot about it.

"Ahhh, you're sho cute!" Marc hugged him. "Agreeing to join Smash Bros. was the best. Decision. EVER."

Chrom II watched the sight and felt betrayed. Rosalina had to comfort the now sobbing luma.

"I know…Kirby was one of your new best friends, and he stole Marc away." She nodded. The princess fixed a dark look on the puffball and swore vengeance in the name of her luma.

**Meta Knight**

"Finally," Robin wiped the blood from her mouth and grinned, "a worthy opponent." She adjusted the grip on her Levin sword and charged forward again.

"Hmph." Meta Knight brought up his blade to block her strike. He pushed it back and swung horizontally, but she had hopped back to avoid it. He wrapped himself in his cape and disappeared. Robin's eyes flitted from side to side before she tossed her sword away and pulled out a tome. He reappeared behind her and knocked her off balance, but she got up just as quickly.

"Thunder!" She cast a small stream of bolts towards him. Meta Knight swirled around in a tornado and deflected the blow…onto Marc.

"Ow!" The male tactician complained. He pulled out his tome and cast a shadowy spell around Robin. "Nosferatu!"

"Why is he…?" Meta Knight didn't have time to finish his question as Robin sunk into the floor and then reappeared in front of him.

"Astra." She cast five thunder spells consecutively, but even though she was up close to him, he managed to roll out of the way and dodge each one. He was not expecting her to smack him into the air with the Levin sword that he thought he saw her throw away, though.

"Elwind!" Marc threw out a hand and slicing winds sent Meta Knight flying off the stage. Or it would've if Meta Knight wasn't gliding back on another air current. He wrapped himself in his cape again and appeared behind Marc, sending the tactician rocketing off the stage.

"Hwaah!" Marc managed a quick 'avenge me' before he lost the last stock of his life.

Meta Knight turned to face Robin and stared her down. She raised her Levin sword again and charged forward.

'_I thought she would've known better by now…'_ Meta Knight thought as he brought his blade up to block again. This time, however, she disappeared in front of him. Caught off guard, he quickly scanned the area before he felt her presence behind him.

"Lethality." She said, tone low and cold before the world turned black.

The next thing he knew he was far away from the stage, and there went his last stock of life.

"This winner is…ROBIN!" The announcer shouted.

"You've sorely underestimated me!" Robin flipped her snowy locks to the side as sparkles came off her in spades. Some smashers in the audience erupted into cheers. People swooned, noses bled, and some outright fainted. Marc applauded her enthusiastically, and Meta Knight grudgingly clapped for her as she strode up to him with a smug smirk.

"You're a great warrior," she commended him, "but to the victor go the spoils."

Meta Knight briefly glared at her before accepting his fate.

.-.-.-.-.

"…"

"Enjoying your tea, Meta Knight?" Marc asked.

"I don't see how I can enjoy my beverage when I have to take my mask off." Meta Knight grumbled. "And…isn't this just a date?" The Robins took him to a cozy tea shop somewhere near Smashville.

"Hey, I'm the winner here," Robin pointed out, taking the cake she ordered from the waitress gratefully, "and if I want you to have tea and crumpets with us, you don't get to argue. Now siddown and drink up! Tea Brewster will get offended if you just wait for it to cool."

"…mn." Meta Knight still didn't want to remove his mask. "Didn't you two marry someone? It's not only odd, but very disrespectful to your spouse to go on dates with other people."

"Oh, I'm sure Greninja's okay with this." Marc shrugged.

Meanwhile…

Greninja was looking up dark magic spells to curse anyone fool enough to steal away her wives. Unfortunately, a lot of spells required frogs, and that was too gross for her to consider. They also required weaving complicated knots and not having thumbs was kind of a problem. Curse these finned flippers! She cut up the possibly expensive tomes with her water shuriken.

Back at the café…

"Now, we can go about this two ways," Robin gave the star warrior a sinister smile, "either you take your mask off yourself or I do it for you. Take the latter option, and you won't be getting it back for the rest of the day."

"…are you one of NME's monsters?" He asked, though the tacticians weren't sure if he was saying that with a straight face or not.

"Don't equate us to lowly scrub creatures like that." Marc said casually before taking a sip of his tea.

"We can be far worse." Robin grinned. The temperature around their table noticeably dropped. Meta Knight's eyes flit from the female strategist to the male strategist before finally settling on the tea in front of him.

"…fine." He yielded and removed his mask to reveal a-!

"Cuuuute!" Marc immediately hugged him. "You're just like a Kirby, awww!"

"H-hey!" Meta Knight tried to push the human away, but the tactician's grip was deceptively strong. Marc was making it hard to drink his tea too.

Robin ate her cake and didn't lift a finger to help. No one gets to argue against Marc wanting to cuddle a Kirby.

Meta Knight sighed and resigned himself to his fate. At least Marc was kind of nice to look at even if he was a little clingy. And he'd have been a better fighter than Meta Knight if he had no shortage of tomes. Strength was attractive.

Chrom II watched through the window and glared at the other round, dark blue, squishy creature. He wrote down 'Meta Knight' under the 'Kirby' entry on his list of cute creatures to get vengeance on.

**King DeDeDe**

"And so we start our meeting of Evil Royalty United." Ganondorf tapped his stack of papers on the desk to straighten them out. The Gerudo king noticed a wing raised in the group and gestured towards the member. "What seems to be the problem, DeDeDe?"

"Why are these two here?" He pointed a wing at the Robins.

"Once upon a time, we were actually royalty." Marc explained.

"At least till dear old dad kicked the bucket and left us with a ruined country." Robin shook her head. "Alas, poor Plegia…no nation would lend a hand to help you now. Validar is dead for good, and Gangrel is probably drunk in a gutter somewhere."

"Evil Royalty United does not accept _former_ evil royalty!" King K. Rool exclaimed.

"Just because we never claimed our inheritance to the throne doesn't mean we still can't." Marc pointed out. "A broken country is still a country we can rule over."

"But you guys aren't evil." DeDeDe protested.

"BWAHAHAHAHA!" Bowser burst into laughter with the Robins at that.

"King DeDeDe, I fear you haven't heard…" Marc wiped away a tear.

"…we happen to be self-insert canon sues that are vessels for a fellgod dragon." Robin said. And in that moment, black flames rose behind them, an image of Grima chuckling darkly as it towered over the group.

"Still hot." Bowser commented.

"Impressive." Ganondorf added. Displays of dominance and power were attractive.

"Just don't get in our way, newbs." DeDeDe had a pecking order to establish, and he certainly wasn't going to lose to some _situational_ evil royalty. The Robins just winked at him.

"Onto our first order of business, then." Ganondorf continued. "It's the fourth week of the last month of the scorching season, and that means it's time to raid a poor village before burning it to the ground." Cheers erupted through the club. "Let's have our newcomers do the honors, then."

.-.-.-.-.

"…" the villains watched on with looks of horror and shock as flames and spikes rained from the sky and battered the village underneath the storm.

Both Robins were rampaging atop the shoulder of a Grimleal fellgod, terrorizing any and all that opposed them. The dragon Marc was standing on had a more purplish shade while the dragon Robin stood on had an obsidian-like polish.

"Remember your place." Marc said calmly, raising the arm that held his vessel mark to direct Grima. "_BENEATH_ _ME_!" He cast several thoron spells to go with a volley of spikes.

"AHAHAHAHA!" Robin cackled maniacally, raising the arm that held her vessel mark to direct the Grima under her control. "KNEEL BEFORE ME, WORMS!" Another volley of spikes hit the village, accompanied with streams of fire.

"…so hot." Was all Bowser could say.

"Very turned on right now." Ganondorf agreed. Displays of tyranny were beyond attractive.

"Stop right there!" a heroic voice called.

"Mario, that puny brother of yours, Princess Peach, and blue Princess Peach!" Bowser snarled at the arrivals. Luigi sighed at the fact that Bowser didn't even remember his name, and Rosalina took offense to that 'blue Princess Peach' comment.

"Hero of Time. Princess Zelda. Brat. Ninja Zelda." Ganondorf gave them a level stare. Toon Link crossed his arms at 'brat,' and Sheik didn't give a single fuck about 'ninja Zelda.' It was more of a compliment in her eyes.

"Kirby and masked blue Kirby!" DeDeDe yelled, though Meta Knight sent him flying for that 'masked blue Kirby' comment.

"Here to save this village like the heroes you are?" King K. Rool asked, wondering why DK and Diddy hadn't appeared too while a handful of pokémon _did_ show up. He would've felt left out if his other members that weren't evil Nintendo aristocrats hadn't been ignored too.

"No." Mario answered, lighting a fireball.

"We're here to-a join in." Luigi explained.

…

"_You_?" Bowser asked in disbelief. "_All_ of you?!"

"If it's for my dear Robin," Zelda unsheathed her Sonic Sword, "I would do anything."

"Yep." Toon Link nodded before boarding his pirate ship and firing cannons everywhere.

"Agreed." Rosalina said, though her eyes strayed to Kirby and Meta Knight.

"This is good." King K. Rool schemed. "If Princess Peach and Zelda are now on our side, we can have more members for Evil Royalty United. The rest of them will make good minions as well."

"We don't…have enough…hoo…admission badges for them." DeDeDe protested in between pants. Meta Knight really sent him far away with that hit.

"We'll just have to take away yours, DeDeDe." Ganondorf said as he indeed took away DeDeDe's admission badge.

"You can't be serious!" DeDeDe threw his wings up in the air.

"We're _Evil_ Royalty United." The Gerudo King reminded him. "You should've expected something like this. And besides, you're not even that evil to begin with. You're just negligent of your land's affairs." DeDeDe puffed up his cheeks and frowned.

"Well, you're missin' out on a waddle dee army then!" He yelled before he stormed off in the opposite direction.

"Yeah, because that's _so_ menacing!" Ganondorf laughed with his other cabinet members.

Lucky that DeDeDe did escape, though because the smashers who weren't in love with the Robins came in to save the village and kicked all the villains' asses. Then Lucina lectured the Robins about using Grima irresponsibly.

"Sorry, Villagers." They bowed and apologized to Villager, Villager B, Villager X, and Villager Y. "We'll make up for this later." They gave the small group a wink.

.-.-.-.-.

"King DeDeDe, wait!" The Robins trailed after the penguin.

"Whadda you two want?" He whirled at them.

"We heard about what happened to you." Marc said.

"So we quit Evil Royalty United." Robin explained.

"Wha…why?" DeDeDe asked.

"How could we stay in a group that no longer included the _best_ villainous noble ever?" Marc scoffed.

"We want to make a new club with you as the monarch." Robin and Marc kneeled respectfully, looking like a pair of knights in tactician cloaks.

"R-really?" He blinked. "I…I mean, of course you would!" He put his wings on his hips in pride, puffing out his chest. "We'll be the Noble Villains Co.! And we'll be better than Evil Royalty United ever was!"

"Yeaahhh!" Robin and Marc balled their fists.

DeDeDe liked that adoring look on them. It made them shine like gems what with the odd sparkles that continuously surrounded them. The glow made them weirdly attractive too. Yes, they would make good brides for a king like him. Greninja can weep at their wedding.

"Him…?" Bowser asked in disbelief. "The best evil aristocrat…?" He snapped his head up and roared skyward, "WHAT?!"

**Villagers**

Villager Y was planting a lovely garden of blue and golden roses when a banded dragon fly zoomed passed him. He was a bit taken aback, but continued watering the blooms anyway. Then Villager B ran through them with her butterfly nets ablaze. Villager Y stared at the wreck in shock before he looked skyward with his stubby hands up in the air. Streams of tears gushed from his eyes as he silently screamed 'whyyyy?!"

Villager B continued to chase after the dragonfly, running over pots and people and…anything that dared to get in her way, really. Her sparkling eyes never changed expression until she tripped over her feet. Maybe she should've bought that good luck charm from Katrina after all, but screw paying 10k for an ugly Tingle Hood.

Villager rolled his eyes at the act and went back to his fishing. Villager X was lying down on her stomach next to him and continued writing her letters on the shore they shared.

Pete the mailpelican flew down near Villager and Villager X, scaring away Villager's fish. He briefly glared at the pelican with a 'I will hit you with a shovel later' kind of look while Villager X handed Pete the letter she finished writing.

"You two have a letter from the Robins." Pete handed the two some fancy-looking envelopes. "And those other two are for your fellow Villagers if you can get it to them. Thank you for relying on Smashville Post Office!" He bowed politely and flew off, crashing into a random balloon tied to a present along the way. Villager decided to postpone his revenge plans as Pete landed on his beak when he hit the ground.

Villager then exchanged curious looks with Villager X before they divided up the envelopes and went to get their friends. Villager Y was holding a funeral for his plants, so Villager X stayed for the ceremony before taking him back to the other Villagers. Villager B was creeping up on the dragonfly that was resting on a rock when Villager caught her with his net and dragged her away, the pink-haired girl kicking and screaming quiet screams.

.-.-.-.-.

They had expected an apology for Smashville nearly being destroyed, but the only thing in the envelopes were identical maps with a big red X marked on them. Naturally, the Villagers thought that meant they had to dress up as pirates and find treasure. What they found when they got there was a huge golden castle.

Jaws dropped, it took a second before they could get up the nerve to go in. That was where their house was, and Villager hadn't even paid off the fourth mortgage yet! Who the heck built a fortress over their cozy cottage?! Was it the Robins?! Was terrorizing Smashville not enough for them?! Villager was going to chop them up with an axe and hide their bodies in the basement! The group knocked the door down, demanding answers in their usual silent way.

Well, whoever they were, they sure had good taste. The main room was split up into three parts. The bottom right corner had a writing desk near a bookshelf, probably for Villager X to write her letters. The bottom left corner had a planter and potted ivies along with a nice end table to display flowers. The top half of the room had flat-screen TVs and wall-mounted speakers that looked like they could make for a nice movie or game night along with some comfortable astro sofas.

Villager looked to his group and made them snap out of the interior design splendor. They needed to find the culprit and get their autographs before chopping them up for destroying their house! They may be impressive interior design artists, but they still (possibly) wrecked their home! The Villagers split up, Villager heading right for the back room. Villager B went downstairs to the basement while Villager Y went to the left wing and Villager X went to the right wing.

Villager found an aquarium that featured a handful of his favorite sea fish. Along the walls were shelves of miniature fossils and potted plants. It was like a mini model of a jungle, almost. The sound of cicadas in their cages was the only sound in the room. He quite liked it, and he was sure Villager B would too, considering the rare insects, but shook his head. He would not be distracted by this display of decorating skill! Oh dear, was that a tarantula that escaped? KILL IT WITH FIRE! Except that might hurt the fish and other bugs, so he batted it back into its box with his axe instead.

Villager B found a rest area with sleek beds and chaise lounges. There was a soda fountain and ice cream case in one corner and a refrigerator and freezer in the other corner. There was also a deluxe range and kitchen sink up in the top half of the room. Villager Y would love to use those for cooking, she thought. There was also a nice stereo and some more wall-mounted speakers. Villager B wanted to burn the house down. These home decorators were mocking them! But she could also use a soda, so she trotted over and took a little siesta with a cold drink in hand.

Villager X found a bathhouse with whirlpool baths as well as refurbished bathtubs. There were screens to split up the baths and ensured privacy. On one side of the wall were some bathroom sinks and two wardrobes. Spa chairs and wash basins were close enough to the bathtubs. There was a Pisces lamp along the wall and a sconce, she assumed to change the color of the lighting. How considerate. She would kill the decorators slowly for making the place so beautiful. Villager would cry to be rid of such a nice room. But first, she had to get out her golden shovel to bury the bodies, so she walked over to the wardrobes.

Villager Y found a…_bar_ of all things. There was a refrigerator, turntable, and ice shelf behind a gorgeous counter and green counter. There were refurbished ranch tables in between refurbished box sofas and a white piano in the corner with a pink velvet stool in front of it. Villager X would've loved to jam on that piano. Villager Y just sobbed. The whole room was stunning, and they really needed to murder those decorators. Who did they think they were?! Demolishing their house and showing them up with this amazing castle! But he also wanted to mix a drink with those weird names they always had in bars. Maybe put some poison in it for the intruders too.

The Villagers then marched up the stairs to the second story room, equipped with axes and shovels. They found a room of golden furniture and treasure chests (which made them feel better for being dressed as pirates), and crawling weakly on the floor were two tacticians.

"…how…do you people…live like this?!" Marc struggled to ask.

"Loans…so many loans…!" Robin looked like she was having flashbacks.

The Villagers just stared at the two, before light bulbs appeared above their heads. The strategists didn't destroy their house. The Robins _built_ their house up, probably to make up for terrorizing Smashville not too long ago.

"People refurbishing furniture you wanted to order from the HHA showcase!" Marc yelled out suddenly.

"Boating back and forth to a tiny island while some creepy Kappa hits on you!" Robin snarled.

"Waiting for turnip prices to spike and having to sell them for negative net profit!" Marc threw his arms up in the air.

"TRYING TO CATCH THAT SAME TARANTULA THAT KEEPS BITING YOU!" Robin screamed skyward.

"ROTTEN PERFECT FRUIT AND BAMBOO SHOOTS GROWING EVERYWHERE!" Marc shouted.

"GETTING AN ORE ROCK, BUT OH, NO GOLD NUGGETS FOR YOU!" Robin balled her fists.

"CAN'T ORDER GRACIE'S FURNITURE FROM THE CATALOG BECAUSE THEY'RE _DESIGNER_!" Marc gripped his hair hard.

"FALLING IN THAT PITFALL WHILE RUNNING TO THE STORE BEFORE IT CLOSES AND THERE GOES YOUR SHARK PREMIUM!" Robin almost broke a table, but she restrained herself. Golden tables didn't FALL FROM TREES EVEN THOUGH LOTS OF FURNITURE FELL FROM TREES.

"TRYING TO MAKE THE PERFECT SNOWBOY. 'OH, SO CLOSE!' WHAT THE FUCK DID I EVEN DO WRONG, YOU'RE PERFECT!" Marc nearly punched out a window, but if he broke it, he would've had to pay for it.

"I hope Tom Nook and Lyle drown under the oceans of cash we had to give them." Robin hissed, eyes darkening.

"Multiply the amount of bullions we had to sell by a hundred, and that's how much I want little Miss Gracie Grace to suffer." Marc growled, eyes darkening as well.

"Reese and Cyrus can be lovey-dovey in the Underworld; I'll happily send them there." Robin's vessel mark glowed. "Teach them to have the same useless sea bass premium when they should be having shark premiums!"

"I want Timmy and Tommy Nook to enjoy all the shiny bells we gave them and be happy, successful, and safe." Marc calmed down considerably. "I won't allow rage to ever harm such adorable little creatures."

"AND I WANT RESETTI TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND _DIE_!" Flames rose up exponentially behind the two tacticians, but nothing caught fire.

The Villagers gave the Robins a sympathetic look. Poor newbs had no idea that Animal Crossing was a game of pain and obsession before it was _ever_ a relaxing place. They carried the Robins to the basement lounge and played some relaxing music on the stereo for them. Their heroes braved the trials and tribulations of endless torture for them and got the nicest house out of it. Hearts appeared over their heads, and the tacticians grinned.

'_It'll all be worth it.'_

Greninja spied on the house from outside in the perfect cherry tree Robin planted. She narrowed her eyes at the treasure peeking out from the top floor.

How could her spouses use the treasure she used to propose to them and build a house for some kids with it?! They never braved a world of suffering and built a castle for _her_, and they were all _married_! She sharpened her water shuriken ruefully. Those Villagers were going to regret stealing away her lovely dark types and their ridiculously hot display of rage and despair.

-BUTCALLMEMAYBE

Hoshi: I'm going to answer questions later. Time is kind of tight for us right now. Also, do remember that I started writing this story before SSB:3DS came out, so naturally, there's going to be some inconsistent stuff, and I have to re-do my planning for these chapters on top of not having time to write. I'm lucky that I'm writing crack, though, so it's more acceptable for me to make very little sense compared to my creator.

Hoshi: And yes, the previous chapter was supposed to poke fun at the Pokémon anime for having people catch pokémon more effectively by befriending them rather than actually battling them.


	5. SpaceBound

Everything © their respective owners

-SOMEPEOPLEWANTTOFILL

Hoshi: The Robins do a barrel roll, study some metroids, and then come back to Earth.

**Warning:** Het, slash, femslash, crack. The Robins are OOC as all get out, and I might have given up on making everyone else IC. This story doesn't really have a reason until the last chapter. And a TON of Fire Emblem: Awakening spoilers! Beat that game first if you care about spoilers! Why is this story so suggestive now? Samus and Zero Suit Samus are two different people. Women bonding through their FISTS! Plot and character development kind of happened, but story is still mainly nonsense.

Hoshi: And hey, bonus chapter for you guys 'cause it's a special friend's birthday today! Or not because I posted this after midnight…damn it.

-THEWORLDWITHSILLYLOVESONGS

**Fox McCloud**

"Yarne." Marc reminded Robin.

"Panne, Nowi, and Nah." Robin snapped back.

"Okay, first off, those were all girls." Marc pointed out. "And second, Nowi and Nah lean more towards reptiles rather than mammals. So, I'm leaving it to you to plan the strategy for seducing Fox."

"Seduce me?" A voice called behind them skeptically. On instinct, the Robins turned with their weapons brandished, the Levin sword for Robin and Nosferatu for Marc. "Whoa, easy!" Fox held his hands up defensively.

"Ah," Robin put her sword away, "our apologies, Fox."

"Please forgive us." Marc also put his weapon away.

"Riiight…" Fox's arms returned to his sides. "Well, back to the subject at hand, you can stop the seducing thing right now. You two are already married."

"Ahahaha!" Marc wiped away a tear. "He says that like it matters."

"Greninja's probably okay with it." Robin shrugged.

Meanwhile…

Greninja was carving tiny wooden voodoo dolls of the Villagers with her water shuriken. She set down the last of them next to a carved message of 'NOT OKAY WITH IT.'

Back to the tacticians and pilot…

"I fail to see how… And besides, I'm not into humans." He waved them off and went back to Arwing flight drills.

"Ahahaha!" Robin wiped away a tear. "Not into humans, he says!"

"Challenge accepted, Fox McCloud." Marc's eyes darkened. "We'll see if you're still saying that after we're through with you."

.-.-.-.-.

…

"Huh, he really _isn't_ into humans." Robin noted after about fifty attempts to flirt with the pilot. It mostly consisted of them taking him out to dinner, challenging him to fights, being stowaways on his Arwing flights, trying to convince him that they could change his mind, and generally doing everything they could get away with that wouldn't result in a restraining order.

"Not like we're really _completely_ human, though." Marc shook his head. "Then again, a fox is probably more into other mammals than dragon-like beings."

"Or birds if the slash fans have anything to say about it." Robin nodded thoughtfully.

"Maybe we should dress up again?" Marc suggested.

"You are not dressing up as Krystal, Marc." Robin shook her head.

"Well, good because I wouldn't be able to pull that off anyway!" Marc blanched at the idea. "Honestly, Robin, what were you thinking? We have items we can use!"

"We have items that'll make us more animal-like?" Robin cocked her head.

Marc gave her a smile that meant she was going to regret this idea.

.-.-.-.-.

"…why?" was all Fox asked upon seeing the Robins.

"Indeed." The female tactician murmured her breath looking over the Tanuki suit she was wearing. "_Why_?" she asked.

"You said you weren't attracted to humans, so we opted to be more animal-like." Marc explained proudly as the ears on his bunny hood perked up. "I would've gone for the playboy bunny look, but _someone_," he looked at Robin pointedly, "wouldn't let me wear high heels again!"

'_He probably could've pulled it off.'_ Fox thought, but quickly shook his head at the idea. He was _not_ into humans!

"All right…" Fox looked them over bemusedly. "Well, first of all, Tanukis aren't sexy."

"Tom Nook would take offense to that." Robin spoke up.

"If he cared about anything other than money and his adorable adopted children." Marc added.

"And second, rabbits are _prey_." Fox crossed his arms. "Or if you're Peppy, a member of the team. Either way, I'm not into rabbits either. Prey isn't attractive." The temperature of the room noticeably lowered. Fox shivered a little.

"Be careful of who you call '_prey,_' McCloud." Marc's eyes darkened as he neared the pilot.

"You might find yourself being hunted instead." Robin's eyes and smile turned downright predatory as she closed onto him too.

And Fox was definitely not turned on right now. Nope. Nopenopenope. Not into humans.

…

"Aw, forget it!" The pilot grabbed the two tacticians, ridiculous getups and all, and marched off to his Arwing while Greninja watched them leave. She was really getting tired of people walking off with her wives.

**Falco Lombardi**

"How does one seduce a bird?" Marc asked Robin.

"Why are you making me do all the planning?" She snapped at him. "Is it because I have a name that's a bird species? Your line of reasoning sucks!"

"Hey, my line of reasoning is great!" Marc protested. "If it weren't for my elaborate and needlessly insane plans, we never would've won that war." He tossed his hair to the side like a diva. "Besides, what if we have to dress up as animal-like creatures again?"

"No, I refuse." Robin answered immediately.

"Not like you have to do that, anyway." A voice said behind them. On instinct again, the Robins turned toward the sound with their weapons drawn, this time a killing edge for Robin and a ruin tome for Marc.

"How do you guys keep sneaking up on us?!" Marc demanded, eyes darkening.

"This universe is really dulling our senses…" Robin narrowed her eyes.

"I wasn't even trying to sneak up on you!" Falco protested, though his wing strayed to the gun in his holster. "Besides, you two talk to each other in the open a lot, so it's not anyone's fault if we happen to overhear."

'_Do you think this is…'_ Marc gave Robin a look.

'…_another side effect of Grima's influence?'_ Robin returned the look. The two tacticians then gave the blue bird their full attention. Innocent smiles and falling sparkles surrounded them.

"Anyway, I'm not particularly opposed to liking humans like _that_, but," Falco crossed his wings, "you two pretty much married a frog not too long ago, so I don't know why you're going after me." He gave them a small frown. "It's not cool."

"I'm sure she's fine with it." Robin shrugged.

Meanwhile…

Greninja carved a tiny wooden voodoo doll of Fox and set that down next to a carved message of 'STILL NOT OKAY WITH IT.'

Back to the tacticians and blue pilot…

"Yeah, I really don't believe that." The avian pilot scoffed. "And I don't get why people are still into you two knowing that. It's all gross, and I don't want to be a part of it." Having said his piece, Falco left the two.

"I didn't think anyone here had any sense to actually call us out on it." Robin nodded, impressed. "Unfortunately, that won't do anything to stop our plans."

"I look forward to turning this 'bird of prey' into actual prey…" Marc's lips curled into a predatory smirk.

.-.-.-.-.

"All right, the skies look normal today." Falco commented as he flew past pokémon and balloons tied to presents in his Arwing. "The balloons are new, though. Wonder who sends out those pres…WHAT THE?!" He looked on either side of his ship's piloting window and saw the Robins were airborne too.

"Good day, Lombardi." Marc greeted like he wasn't flying through the air, though his tussled locks betrayed that.

"How goes it?" Robin asked in much the same manner as Marc.

"How are you two flying?!" Falco looked from the male tactician to the female tactician.

"Funny story about that!" Marc rolled out of the way as Rayquaza flew passed them, shooting the strategist a second glance. "Tacticians aren't supposed to be flying units, but our newcomer trailer gave us the ability of flight for some reason."

"It seems overpowered, but I doubt we'll find much practical fighting use for it." Robin said as she popped some balloons with her Levin sword. "Who sends out these presents? You're polluting the environment!"

"Oh…" The avian pilot did a barrel roll to avoid Master Hand, who also gave the tacticians a second glance…somehow. "Well, what brings you guys up to the air?"

"We just wanted to talk." Marc explained. "You seemed to have the wrong idea about us."

"Both of you flirt with anything that moves." Falco pointed out. "Even when you're legally married. I don't _how_ I could _possibly_ have the wrong idea about you two." He rolled his eyes.

"…I suppose you're correct on the first two points." Robin conceded. "Though, it's not like the ones that fall for us are free from blame either. They're technically cheating on the ones they love too."

"Oh, and I suppose it's just _coincidence_ that they so happen to start cheating after they met _you two_?" Falco snorted.

"Is it our fault that we make people realize how lacking and unimpressive their significant others really are?" Marc asked, offended. "Though, I'm sure that won't make you think any less of us."

"And it's certainly still wrong for anyone to cheat on someone they're in a committed relationship with." Robin wouldn't make excuses for their actions.

"Then why still do it?" Falco asked.

"As we've frequently reminded and will continue to remind people, we're self-insert canon sues that were chosen as vessels for a fellgod dragon." Marc explained as Grima's image flashed in the sky, dark flames and chuckles, yadda yadda, whatevs.

"What the-?!" Falco was still surprised, though he couldn't do much more than continue to cruise through the sky.

"As such, we're _not_ good people, and it's annoying that everyone still thinks we are." Robin crossed her arms as she went out of her way to smack Tingle out of the sky, proving her point.

"Anyhow, the more prominent reason we continue to hit on everything that moves is that we're not aiming for one union." Marc continued. "Our goal is to marry every playable character as is our destiny."

"…what?" Falco asked. "You guys do remember how many people are on the roster, right? That's kind of impossible."

"Ahahaha!" Robin laughed.

"Impossible, he says!" Marc joined in. "Well, it's not a problem for a pair that's seduced a good fifty people _individually_. The only people uninterested in our charms are unimportant NPC's and our offspring. And even then, our offspring have a relatively fanatic loyalty to us if they're the Morgans."

"Counting up people as notches on your bedposts." Falco rolled his eyes. "_Really_ gross."

"Excuse you!" Robin protested. "We haven't done any 18 and over stuff in this family-friendly game! Get your mind outta the gutter, Lombardi."

"Besides, we've been very respectful about the other smashers' feelings." Marc continued. "They have to be okay with the whole giant harem thing if they want to get married to us, and a lot of them aren't ready for that step like Greninja is, so we're giving them space to think about it. Sure, the goal is to marry every playable character, but if they don't want to, then we won't ever force them."

"…that's surprisingly reasonable." Falco said his thoughts out loud.

"And we'd continue to treat them with respect even if they end up not wanting to." Robin added. "Just as we would love all our spouses equally. What makes our relationship any less legitimate than others' more '_normal_' marriages if we still share the same kind of love?"

"Wait, all that aside, is Greninja really okay with this?" Falco asked.

"I suppose we could all ask her if you're really so worried." Marc suggested before flying face first into another Arwing. "Ow!" He peeled himself off partially.

"Oh, hey Fox!" Falco greeted the other pilot. "What're you doing here?" Robin flew with Charizard to help Marc off the other ship's windshield like thing.

"No reason…" Fox answered. "Not like I'm into humans or anything." He muttered.

.-.-.-.-.

"Greninja." Greninja replied to Falco's question. Roughly translated it was something like, "No, I am not okay with this arrangement. I will never be okay with this arrangement. I did not sign up for this shit." It could also have been "My milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard." Language is funny that way.

But Falco was unaware of that as he smiled and threw his wings around the Robins, taking the pokémon's answer as consent.

"Well, I guess it's settled then." Falco then walked off with Greninja's spouses while the pokémon watched on in despair.

**Samus Aran**

"These fucking _nerds_…" Robin shook her head.

"Samus, your computer system is a work of art!" Marc marveled as he typed away on the keyboard.

"No, your scrolls and tomes are art!" Samus insisted, poring over archaic and yellowed parchment. "Quite literally from these sketches and diagrams!"

"But your database is _enormous_!" Marc looked through blueprints of futuristic spaceships and data on other bounty hunters. "I've never seen space and alien things before!"

"My database may be cyclopean," Samus conceded, "but it doesn't have anything like Ylissean and Valmese culture and tactics. Why do the Valmese consider gathering firewood synonymous with expressing romantic interest, though?"

"Geeeeeeks." Robin droned, though her eyes were roaming over Samus's muscled physique. The blonde was a really attractive scientist, though Robin still kind of liked Miriel better. From what Marc told her of the red head, Miriel was _really_ open to experiments.

"Marc, I could use a fellow scholar like you on my expeditions." Samus finally looked up from her studying. "Would you like to destroy some Metroids and collect samples with me?"

"Ner—wait!" Robin perked up at the word, 'destroy.' "One of those things sounded like it'd be fun! Can I go?"

"I had no idea you were interested in collecting samples, Robin." Samus seemed to look at her in a new light. "Unfortunately, I only have one extra power suit…"

"Let Robin go with you." Marc said, not looking away from the computer screen. "I'm sure you won't find a better fighting partner at your back than Robin. If you need anything, you can radio me back here."

"I suppose that's a good plan." Samus nodded, opening the containment unit to adjust her extra power suit to Robin's size.

"YEAH!" Robin pumped a fist in the air. "Gonna shoot down some monsters!" She started putting the suit on.

"And collect samples!" Samus reminded her, though her eyes were scanning the glorious tapestry of muscles that was Robin's totally ripped body.

.-.-.-.-.

"AHAHAHA!" Robin tore through the area, cannon arm ablaze. "OUTTA THE WAY!" She used the grapple laser to grab onto an airborne alien and yanked it towards her. She killed the connection when it got close enough and shot it point blank with an ice beam. Then she crushed the frozen enemy under her boot.

Samus was a few steps behind her, collecting samples. She thought it a bit unnecessarily cruel to kill the aliens like that, and sometimes Robin didn't even leave behind any remains, but she was getting more material than she ever got on her own. Faster too. It was a little weird that Robin's suit was glowing an eerie purple shade rather than a green light, though.

"KNEEL BEFORE ME, WORMS!" More missiles crashing into things and worm-like aliens screaming in pain or possibly terror.

"Robin, we should probably head back now." The bounty hunter radioed her.

"But I'm having fuuuuun!" Robin protested. She switched her cannon arm for the experimental laser blade and deforested a small grove of living trees. "FALL AND TREMBLE IN THE NAME OF GRIMA! AHAHAHA!"

"You're surprisingly skilled with that." Samus noted, ducking out of the way of one of the tactician's reckless swings.

"Once a weapon's in my hands, I'll have it mastered in no time flat." Robin casually stopped to chat with her before impaling a large beast that ran into the newly cut clearing. "I even figured out how to use the prototype planet destroying bomb."

"…you didn't use that right now, did you?" Samus asked nervously. Not that it would be the first time she ever blew up a planet.

"Yeah, we might want to get off this planet in about ten minutes." Robin said as though expressing an afterthought, splattering her armor with blood as she cut through more aliens. "I'll only need about half that time to take care of these guy-!" Samus yanked her back and rushed towards their ship.

"We have to get out of here now!"

"But I was having fuuuun!" Robin whined as she made no effort to run with the bounty hunter, letting herself be dragged along for the ride.

"_Marc to Samus, Marc to Samus. Do you read? Over._" A radio signal went off in Samus and Robin's suits.

"_Samus, here. Can you send my starship to these coordinates? Over._" Samus replied.

"_Easy. Sending the starship now. Over._" The hum of Samus's starship sounded overhead and beamed up the still running bounty hunter with the tactician. Samus dropped Robin on the floor of her ship and rushed to the controls and piloted the whole thing to space.

One second later, and they might not have made it out of there in one piece. Robin looked through one of the starship's windows at the debris that once used to be a planet as it floated through space.

"YES, GIVE YOUR SOULS TO GRIMA. AHAHAHA!" The strategist cackled. Samus glanced back at her in apprehension. Robin was weirdly fanatical for whatever reason, but the bounty hunter was starting to find it oddly charming. She felt bad for the aliens on the planet, but she teleported enough samples to Marc, so that at least even with their deaths, they could still promote science.

Samus decided that the Robins were nice to have. One of them could understand her search for knowledge while the other could understand her need to just blast things and generally kick ass. Maybe she could put a ring on them like Greninja did sometime.

An Arwing pulled up and trailed behind the starship. Inside was a fox pilot who was repeatedly telling himself - as he watched the footage from the camera he planted in there - that he was not into humans. Just Robins. Another Arwing pulled up and trailed behind Fox's with an avian pilot following…just because he was curious. It's not like he cared either way! …morons.

**Zero Suit Samus**

"What is the meaning of this atrocity?" Robin asked, eyes dark and voice cold. Marc gave her a nervous look while Zero Suit Samus crossed her arms in irritation.

"The hell're you talking about?" The unarmored bounty hunter demanded.

"Your body." Robin simply said, looking the blonde up and down. "It disappoints me."

"Robin, that's kind of-!" Marc was interrupted by a laser whip lashing into the side of his female counterpart's face. She was tossed to the floor unceremoniously while Zero Suit Samus strode over in her rocket heels, gripping the smaller girl by the front of her tunic.

"You think I'm just going to take that from a shrimp like you?" The blonde sneered. "I'm not your little fantasy, pipsqueak. Maybe in a few years you could look about a _thousandth_ as nice as me."

Marc growled at that and took out his Nosferatu tome, but Robin gave him a look and remained silent. Marc stayed his hand and gave a small nod in understanding. Robin turned her attention back to the woman in shades of blue.

"I had expected you to look more like Samus." Robin stated.

"Me and Sammie are two different people, shortstack." Zero Suit Samus said in a very matter-of-fact tone. "I'm easily the more liked bounty hunter here."

"I can't imagine why." Robin returned the sneer. "Samus doesn't have a babyish doll face like yours. She actually looks like an adult, with muscles and scars, a body like a warrior's."

"Samus is ripped under that armor?" Zelda popped in with a curious expression.

"Yes." Robin answered her politely. "How do you think she can run in that heavy armor of hers? Samus is totally ripped, don't let little miss sex bomb here fool you." She jabbed at the woman who was still holding her by her tunic.

"…" Zelda's thought processes ceased. Sure she was here to defend her Robin against this vile fiend who dared to lash her beautiful tactician's face, but the image of totally ripped Samus was hot. Now she was torn over which image was hotter; her toned Robin or buff Samus?

"Simply put," Robin turned her attention back to Zero Suit Samus, "compared to Samus, who people admire and want to be, you're just the one everyone wants to screw. Probably while you're still in heels."

"Buuurn." Marc managed to say before Zero Suit Samus blasted him with her stun gun. "Ow!" He twitched.

"They're rocket boots." The unarmored bounty hunter snarled through grit teeth.

"They're four-inch rocket heels that might be nice for a day out shopping, but they're impractical for battle, and they _suck_." Robin managed to say before Zero Suit Samus practically threw her against a wall.

"Insult my awesome shoes again, you little-!" that was all Zero Suit Samus could get out before Robin shifted her weight and shoved the blonde down onto the floor hard.

"Your. Four-inch. Heels. _Suck_." Robin growled out before she slammed a fist into Zero Suit Samus's face. The unarmored bounty hunter's shocked look changed to rage as she flipped them around and returned the favor.

"Should we stop them?" Sheik asked while Zelda continued to daydream about lovely muscled bodies.

"We could-a…" Luigi said as they continued to watch the no-holds-barred fight between the two women.

"…but this is hot." Bowser finished as they watched. The Villagers cheered on Robin with poppers.

"Hm…" Marc put away his Nosferatu. This was a fight between women, and therefore, he could not interfere. Robin had to do this on her own whether he liked it or not. Besides, Robin bonded with other people the best through her fists anyway.

He sat down and cuddled Chrom II the luma as he waited the storm out with a basket of Maximum Tomatoes.

.-.-.-.-.

"Hahhh…you're not too bad…" Robin said in between pants, bruised and beaten body lying on top of the similarly bruised and beaten body of the blonde underneath her. "…for a Barbie doll…"

"Tch…" Zero Suit Samus scoffed. "Quit…comparing me to…Samus. I…can hold my own…even without the constant…safety handicap of some…power suit."

"Is that…so?" Robin asked. She could understand Zero Suit Samus's plight better. The blonde was still a bounty hunter, after all, and it's not like she asked for some impractical shoes and to be made even more vulnerable than she already was with that fanservice body and outfit of hers. It was already unsafe for her, and Robin made it worse by bringing out those insecurities.

"Hahhh…I miss my…eight pack…" Zero Suit Samus lamented. So maybe she did envy her armored counterpart a little. Samus could feel as safe as she wanted inside that suit of armor while Zero Suit Samus was constantly exposed and ogled. Sue her.

"I can…help out with that…" Robin offered.

"Why…? So you can…make me more like…Sammie? No…thanks." Zero Suit Samus gently pushed the strategist off her. "'M not your…little fantasy."

"That's not…it. You should have the…body you want… It's your body…after all. I'll help you get…it back." Robin sat up uncomfortably.

"But…sex sells. They'd never let me…keep my muscles… 'S not hot…"

"Screw…fanservice and sale quotas. You should love your…own body because it's…your body, but…no one should be…forced to…keep a body that makes…them feel anything other than…happy for the sake…of some drooling fans." Robin brushed her hair aside, sparkles falling around her. "And guns're…so sexy. Losers don't…know what they're missing." Robin asserted. Zero Suit Samus blushed at that.

"F-fine…do whatever ya…want." Zero Suit Samus conceded.

"Hope yer ready then…" Robin smirked, wiping the blood from her mouth. "Gonna put ya through…hell and back…"

"Bring it on…pipsqueak…" Zero Suit Samus returned the smirk.

Marc then came to them with tomatoes in hand, smiling at the new beautiful bond between the two.

.-.-.-.-.

Wii Fit Trainer was instructing the group on stretches and work outs. The Samuses and Robin were having a blast while Marc looked like he was dying. Zero Suit Samus had even lent her alternate outfit to Samus and Robin as a show of friendship, though she and Samus exchanged competitive looks. Neither of them were going to back down on who would impress the Robins more.

The other smashers that had fallen for the Robins also looked like they were dying as they tried to keep up. Except for Zelda. She was drooling over muscular bodies, particularly Robin's. Zero Suit Samus's clothes looked nice on the female strategist and proved that Robin had the best body, no contest.

Marc weakly gave Robin a thumbs up as she smiled sympathetically at him.

"Feel the burn!" Wii Fit Trainer sang.

"Yeah!" Robin and the Samuses pumped their fists in the air.

"Ye…ah…" the other smashers and Marc weakly returned.

**Ness**

…

"It shouldn't be any different from Ricke-!" Marc's suggestion was cut off.

"Stop making me come up with the plans, Marc!" Robin snapped. "And how many times do I have to keep telling you that Ylissean people are different from this universe and their weird fighters?"

"True…" Marc said, thoughtfully. "It's a shame we can't learn PSI abilities either. I think that PK Love one might've been useful to us."

"Well, Lucas isn't in this game, so we're out of luck there." Robin cursed the Smash Bros Roster decision.

"I guess all that's left to do is impress him with baseball talents, then." Marc decided as he took out the home run bat and gave it a test swing. "We'll knock him out!"

"Literally?" Robin asked a bit too eagerly.

"Robin, no." Marc admonished her. "That's Grima talking."

.-.-.-.-.

"Those new guys from Ylisse are going to do the Home Run contest." Wii Fit Trainer pointed to the pair of tacticians that were waltzing up to the plate. "I can't wait to see how Robin does."

"I didn't think they had any interest in the little games." Ness watched from his spot in the audience.

When the tacticians appeared on the stage, the crowd roared with applause. The Robins took a bow as the countdown started. Robin took out her Levin sword while Marc took out his Nosferatu tome. The second the announcer yelled, 'go,' the two rose up on their respective Grimas and cackled maniacally, brutally slamming the sandbag through the ground.

"AHAHAHA, WRITHE!" Robin slashed the punching bag multiple times at an inhuman speed.

"SQUIRM!" Marc struck it down with Thoron, launched it back into the air with Rexcalibur, and sent it back down with Bolganone. After that, dark flames surrounded the sandbag.

"W-whoa…" Ness watched in horror. "These guys are intense…"

"GO ROBIN!" Zelda cheered, happily.

"So hot." Bowser nodded.

Ness looked at the surrounding admirers with an expression of fright. Well, they were always like this when it came to the sandbag, but no one ever reveled in the beat down of a sentient being that couldn't move or talk quite like this…

"_Suffer_." The Robins said with too wide too gleeful smiles before they finally hit the sandbag off the stage. The sandbag was hit so high and so far, no one was sure when or _if_ it would come down when a burning Arwing fell out of the sky with the sandbag on it.

"I'm okay!" Falco assured them as he rolled out of the Arwing before it exploded, sending the sandbag even farther away. "Wow, the sandbag prefers the air too." He noted.

"NEW RECORD!" The announcer declared in a booming voice. The crowd erupted in cheers while Ness walked away from it all.

Smash Brothers had really changed…

.-.-.-.-.

"So, Ness." Marc started. "What did you think of our attempt?"

"It was impressive, right?" Robin asked.

"That's not the word I'd use." Ness answered, looking at the two in discomfort.

"Should we have tortured it more?" Marc wondered. "I suppose we weren't brutal enough."

"I knew I should've ripped it open!" Robin shook her head.

"No, that's not it!" Ness put his hands up in front of him. What was _wrong_ with these two? "I just think you didn't have to go that far with it. Though your form with swinging the bat was spot on!"

"Awwww, thanks!" The Robins seemed to ignore his criticism.

"Yeah, well… Scary expressions don't suit pretty faces like yours." Ness said with a smile. The Robins blushed at that as he left.

"I think he likes us..." Robin said.

"…but why do I still feel like I lost?" Marc asked.

"That _was_ a pretty smooth line, though." Robin nodded.

"Well played, Ness." Marc also nodded. "Well. Played."

-ANDWHAT'SWRONGWITHTHAT?

Hoshi: No, but really, why did this story get so suggestive all of a sudden? I came into this story telling myself I probably won't ship the Robins with anyone, and I'm probably going to come out asking for Zero Suit SamusXRobin fics. What have I done?


End file.
